An author and educator has been forced to defend herself after saying parents should ask babies for permission before changing their diapers.
S**uality expert Deanne Carson made the controversial comment on an ABC News segment on consent laws.
The expert said parents should ‘set up a culture of consent’ as early as possible.
An example of this was: “‘I’m going to change your nappy now, is that OK?’”
She said although a baby isn’t going to reply to the parent, there are other ways to give consent, explaining: “But if you leave a space and wait for body language and wait to make eye contact then you’re letting that child know that their response matters.”
Carson’s viewpoint has sparked a huge debate on social media.
One commenter wrote: “I remember saying things like, ‘Time to change your diaper!’ or ‘Uh-oh, someone’s wet!’ But asking an infant for permission? That’s a level of absurdity I can’t even wrap my head around.”
Another chimed in: “Seriously? When a baby needs a change, they cry—that is their way of communicating! What’s happening to common sense?”
A third person added: “When a baby cries because they’re uncomfortable, it’s often a signal they need to be changed. Ignoring that would be neglect.”
Someone else questioned the logic entirely: “What if they say no? Do we just let them sit there and risk diaper rash?”
Despite the backlash, others came to Carson’s defense. One supporter wrote: “I’m fully behind the idea of asking for consent before changing a diaper and allowing the child time to process. Kudos for sparking such an important conversation.”
Another added perspective from a professional angle: “I don’t ask for consent per se, but as an early childhood educator responsible for changing other people’s children, I always explain what I’m about to do. It’s about respect and helping them feel safe.”
Katie Russell, a spokesperson for the sexual violence non-profit Rape Crisis England and Wales, has defended Carson’s approach.
In an interview with Newsweek, Russell explained: “She’s making a reasonable argument for fostering a ‘culture of consent’ within households, starting from the earliest stages with children.”
She continued, “This is about encouraging parents and caregivers to avoid assuming consent from their children, while teaching kids that they have the right to make decisions about their own bodies.”
Similarly, parenting coach Julie Romanowski pointed out that there are times when parents have insisted their children do things rather than asking them.
“Requesting a hug instead of demanding one shows respect for the child, regardless of age. It’s a form of proper etiquette and is the greatest respect we can give to their rights over their bodies and lives,” Romanowski shared with Global News.
Carson has also addressed the intense backlash she received, speaking out on the New Matilda website.
She explained that she’s been overwhelmed by the response and the “vile messages” flooding in.
“The purpose of my comment was not to suggest that you need a baby’s consent to change a diaper. When it comes to health, hygiene, and safety, some things are non-negotiable,” she clarified.
“The approach I’m advocating is about fostering active communication between individuals, especially in intimate or vulnerable moments, from an early age. It’s about showing children what care in these situations looks like and cultivating a family culture where the skills needed to negotiate consent as adults are integrated into daily interactions.”
